Someone was mocking the usage of the word "thou" (and the like) in modern poetry, so I had to write this...
*****

oh where art thou
my big fat cow
thy bovine self hath long been absent

come hither to me
for i miss thee
though thine digestive tract be truly flatulent

I've never actually heard the song, but the lyrics rock...
*****

Mercyfuck
by Mary Prankster

I’m not amused anymore
And nothing’s a muse anymore
I sing of love and of hate
But I’m just masturbating my soul

And I don’t want to live anymore
And I don’t want to give anymore
If I fawn, if I flirt, I just keep getting hurt
And it’s taken its toll

I wish I could fuck all my sorrow away
And fuck ’til the dawn of the next fucking day
Fuck the chorus and verse, fuck the pain getting worse
Fuck it all ’til I burn

I wish I could fuck all of you ’til you see
I’m the worst fuck up in all history
Fuck your image and mine, fuck your limp valentine
Fuck it all ’til I learn

I’m not a kid anymore
I don’t know what I did anymore
But on every damn pass, karma bushwacks my ass
And I get it all back

And I don’t want to move anymore
I’ve got nothing to prove anymore
If I run, if I sit, still it all turns to shit
Then it turns to attack

I wish I could fuck all the memory I keep
Fuck the next ten years and just go to sleep
I’m fucked if I do and I’m fucked if I say
I’m fucked if I don’t, so I’m fucked anyway

I wish I could fuck all of you ’til you see
I don’t need your mercyfuck sympathy
Fuck your word and your prayers, fuck your stares and my cares
Fuck it all ’til I learn

Exactly...
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Hurt
by Nine Inch Nails

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stain of time
The feeling disappears
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

It's not poetry, but it's one of my favorite pieces.
It was inspired by someone I only know as "Strideo"
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Strideo: Behold! Telemarkia! The nation of telemarketers! The is no
traffic because they are all telecommuting to their telebusinesses. If
you want somthing just pick up the phone, or wait for someone to call
you and try to sell it to you.
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telemarkia
how interesting...

"hi, i'm a telemarketer
and i'd like to sell you something"
"really? what a coincidence,
i'm a telemarketer too!"
"well, i'm selling these
new and improved
hooziwutzers
to afford christmas gifts
for my family"
"i'm selling
state of the art
jangalafurs
to afford christmas gifts
for *my* family"
"hmmm"
"yeah"
"ok, how about
you buy some
hooziwutzers
for your family's christmas gifts
and i buy some jangalafurs
for mine"
"deal!"
...
christmas day:
"merry christmas dear!"
"merry christmas!"
"hey, you got me
a jangalafur!"
"hey, you got me
a hooziwutzer!"
"hmmm"
"yeah"
...
the day after:
"hello?"
"hey, i was just thinking
about our christmas mix up"
"and?"
"do you think we're having
trouble communicating?"
"yeah,
we should see
a marriage therapist
or something"
"that's a good idea...
and while i have you on the line,
have you heard about
the jangalafur plus?"

Great parody
*****

"NO SEX IN THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM"
by Chris Rock

Ladies and Gentlemen of the G. E. D. class of 1999,

i have one piece of advice for you,
No matter what a stripper tells you,
There Is No Sex In The Champagne Room! NONE!
Oh, theres champagne in the champagne room
But, you don't want champagne, you want sex.
And theres no sex, in the champagne room.

Dont go to parties with metal detectors.
Sure, It feels safe inside,
But what about all those niggers waiting outside with guns,
They Know You Aint Got One!

If a woman tells you shes 20, and looks 16, shes 12.
If she tells you shes 26, and looks 26, Shes Damn Near 40!

Take off that silly ass hat.

The ODB couldnt have possibly committed all those crimes.
Coolio did some of that shit

Young black men:
If you go to a movie theater, and someone steps on your foot,
Let it slide!
Why spend the next 20 years in jail b-cuz
Someone smudged Your Puma!

Cornbread-Aint nothin wrong with that!

No matter what you think of what I'm sayin,
remember this one thing:
There Is No Sex In The Champagne Room!
(That guy starts singin)
No Sex In The Champagne Room,
No Sex In The Champagne Room!
No Sex In The Champagne Room,
No Sex In The Champagne Room!
Absolutly, positively no sex in the champagne room

If a homeless person has a funny sign,
He hasnt been homeless that long.
A real homeless person is too hungry to be funny.

If a girl has a pierced tongue,
She'll probably suck your dick
(That'd Be great, Yeaaaah!)
If a guy has a pierced tongue,
He'll probably suck your dick
(Dont want that Noooooo!)

Heres a horoscope for everyone:
Aquarius-You're Gonna Die!
Capricorn-You're Gonna Die!
Gemini-You're Gonna Die TWICE!
Leo-You're Gonna Die!
Scorpio-You're Gonna Die fuckin!

No one goes to Hooters for wings.

If you've been dating a man for 4 months,
And you havent met any of his friends yet,
You Are Not His Girlfriend!

Some of the things I said may not apply to you.
Some of the things I said may offend you
But no matter who you are,
You must remember this one thing:
No matter what a stripper says,
There Is No Sex In The Champagne Room! NONE!

No Sex In The Champagne Room,
No Sex In The Champagne Room!
Cant get none, Nooooo!
Cant have none, Nooooo!
No Sex In The Champagne Room,
No Sex In The Champagne Room!

Great advice
*****

"EVERYBODY'S FREE TO PARODY--OH, AND WEAR SUNSCREEN"
by Mary Schmich

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas, the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.

Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

strife
is the rhyme of life

One of my favorite poems by one of my favorite poets...
*****

poets_are_stupid
by jamie akeao smith

Gently the poet
fondles his music and art,
handing things like zippers and place mats
with an awe filled delicacy.
words in the right combination
make him faint
in a dramatic show of color
and sensitivity.
He thinks people should handle him
like unprocessed film,
soft and exposed.
Thinks this world can be beautiful
and sees meaning in echoes.
Doesn't know he's ordinary
but claims to
all the while.